I am almost through with my first draft of my admission essay for UNC-Greensboro. I have to say, this is one of the hardest things I have ever tried to write. It's just not easy to write something about yourself, good or bad.
It's a bit unnerving, to think of going back to school after all these years. I remember how bad I wanted to finish, and here I am looking at doing it again! With today's economy though, it just makes sense right now. It's better to be well-rounded and have as many assets to offer an employer as possible, just to try to hang onto the job you have. I see my parents getting ready to retire and a large chunk of their retirement is already gone, due to market downturns and poor retail sales. It's downright scary.
Things like this make me start to wonder about how hings will be five to ten years from now. Will the economy return to it's past over indulgences? I don't believe so. I believe people have become more cost-conscience and are watching their money much more closely. We will eventually have an upswing and things will get better, but I don't think they'll ever be the same.
I have hope, for all those in my current classes, that there will be ample opportunities awaiting them after school. I hope they will visit me someday to say they are thriving and the outlook is bright. I hope...
Monday, February 9, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
It's Healing Nicely...
Went all day today with no bandage on my sliced thumb to try to give it some air. Feels good not to have to wear that huge bandage anymore. It's amazing that even I'm right-handed, how much I use my left thumb, daily.
It was a busy day today. 8am to 12pm in class, grabbed a bite to eat and then back to class from 3pm to 5pm. Whew! Monday, Wednesday's and Friday's wear me out.
Sitting here tonight, I have to say that it feels great to get off my feet. Today has been a really rough day, for a variety of reasons. I almost cancelled class this afternoon, due to some difficulties later today. Everything is fine now. Hopefully measures have been put in motion to make these difficulties become more manageable.
MAN, I cannot wait till payday!!!! Not getting paid until the end of January really sucks, especially since my last check was on December 19. It's been a rough month. Christmas presents tore us up this year, and bills always come early in December, since I get paid a week early, so we have an extra week and a half we have to stretch the money as far as it will go. Yes. It S-U-C-K-S!!!!
I have so many new projects I want to get started on, but I have to go easy. I really want to finish that Clonetrooper in March, so I can wear it at Heroes Con in June, before vacation. I may be taking my 3-year-old, dressed as a mini-Biker Scout! I found a fellow who makes and sells armor for kids, up to 10-years-old. They are so cool!
That's it for tonight. Hope everyone's evening goes well, and see ya' again soon!
It was a busy day today. 8am to 12pm in class, grabbed a bite to eat and then back to class from 3pm to 5pm. Whew! Monday, Wednesday's and Friday's wear me out.
Sitting here tonight, I have to say that it feels great to get off my feet. Today has been a really rough day, for a variety of reasons. I almost cancelled class this afternoon, due to some difficulties later today. Everything is fine now. Hopefully measures have been put in motion to make these difficulties become more manageable.
MAN, I cannot wait till payday!!!! Not getting paid until the end of January really sucks, especially since my last check was on December 19. It's been a rough month. Christmas presents tore us up this year, and bills always come early in December, since I get paid a week early, so we have an extra week and a half we have to stretch the money as far as it will go. Yes. It S-U-C-K-S!!!!
I have so many new projects I want to get started on, but I have to go easy. I really want to finish that Clonetrooper in March, so I can wear it at Heroes Con in June, before vacation. I may be taking my 3-year-old, dressed as a mini-Biker Scout! I found a fellow who makes and sells armor for kids, up to 10-years-old. They are so cool!
That's it for tonight. Hope everyone's evening goes well, and see ya' again soon!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Another week, another couple o' bucks...
Made it to a new week. It's another day on the farm. Another lap around the track. Another new dawn. That's not a bit sarcastic, is it?
I'm sorry. I just have had a case of the blues lately. Don't know why. Just haven't felt that great over the past few days. Haven't slept in a week. I do know, that this too will pass though. Everything will be all right. I have faith to know that God is good and He never promised every day would be great, or even good. I just know that He DID give me another day. :)
I had a small bit of excitement this weekend though. I got to go to the comic store and pick up a few good books. :) I know......geek. Comics have been a part of my life for years, and it just feels good to know that I can come back to them and enjoy them just as much now as I did then. It's a small escape from reality. We all can use one of those every now and then.
Got an e-mail from a friend a couple of days ago about helping me put together my clone trooper armor. Even though I built my Stormtrooper myself, I've been a bit skiddish about cutting on and trimming the clone armor. Mainly because it's a $1000 set or autographed-on-the-back armor and I don't want to screw it up!
I'm really excited about getting to start on a new costume. It gives me that "newbie" feeling again and sense of excitement that I had when I first looked at joining the 501st. I want that feeling again to help me out of these doldrums I seem to be stuck in. Plus, this friend learned from his brother, who is THE man when it comes to building clone trooper armor. I am so looking forward to getting that excitement back.
Well, it's getting late. I'm tired and I really would love to get some sleep, for a change. As the song says, "pray for me and I'll pray for you." Lord knows, in today's world, we need all the help we can get.
I'm sorry. I just have had a case of the blues lately. Don't know why. Just haven't felt that great over the past few days. Haven't slept in a week. I do know, that this too will pass though. Everything will be all right. I have faith to know that God is good and He never promised every day would be great, or even good. I just know that He DID give me another day. :)
I had a small bit of excitement this weekend though. I got to go to the comic store and pick up a few good books. :) I know......geek. Comics have been a part of my life for years, and it just feels good to know that I can come back to them and enjoy them just as much now as I did then. It's a small escape from reality. We all can use one of those every now and then.
Got an e-mail from a friend a couple of days ago about helping me put together my clone trooper armor. Even though I built my Stormtrooper myself, I've been a bit skiddish about cutting on and trimming the clone armor. Mainly because it's a $1000 set or autographed-on-the-back armor and I don't want to screw it up!
I'm really excited about getting to start on a new costume. It gives me that "newbie" feeling again and sense of excitement that I had when I first looked at joining the 501st. I want that feeling again to help me out of these doldrums I seem to be stuck in. Plus, this friend learned from his brother, who is THE man when it comes to building clone trooper armor. I am so looking forward to getting that excitement back.
Well, it's getting late. I'm tired and I really would love to get some sleep, for a change. As the song says, "pray for me and I'll pray for you." Lord knows, in today's world, we need all the help we can get.
Monday, January 19, 2009
It's been a little while...
Yeah. I haven't posted in a little while. Just hasn't been a lot going on lately.
Today was a nice little respite. Had the day off, since it's MLK day. Can't say I agree, entirely, with having a day of for King's birthday, but it's a day off, nevertheless. I don't understand, though, why King's birthday necessitates a day off, while Washington, Lincoln or any other important figure's birthday necessitates a mattress sale...
Anyway, as I said, just not anything exciting going on, which itself brings up a good point. Is my life a never-ending loop of getting up, going to work, coming home, going to bed and doing it all over again the next day? Sometimes, it feels that way. Sometimes, I ask myself what is so important in my life that I keep doing what I do, day in and day out? Is it a sense of duty? Is it simply to earn a paycheck?
If I had to think of my life as a constant struggle to maintain a standard of living, seems to me there's not a whole lot of fulfillment in that. I mean, if it's all about earning money to pay for things, then where's the joy? Where's the sense of pride and commitment?
I ask myself all these questions to come to an understanding of what life is about. As Tom Hanks said in the movie Castaway, "I just have to go on. I just have to keep breathing". It's a matter of existence. It's feeling like that I made a difference in someone's life and that person will, in turn, make a difference to someone else.
I do have a terrible weakness, I will admit. I am a material person. I like "stuff". I always have. Now, I am not one of these people that always has to have the best, or better than others. I can't stand talking to people like that. I have just always wanted "things". That does tend to get in the way, when dealing with life's tougher questions. When trying to be humble and selfless, it's hard for me to forget all the things I wish I had. It's difficult for me to forget about the things I desire and put the needs of others first. Not because I'm selfish. I just want "stuff".
I find, many times, that I do have a deep compassion for others. I really don't know where it comes from though. My father was always a very strict disciplinarian and taught me that males do not show emotion. This has, as anyone can imagine, created occasional roadblocks in relationships. Women like emotions. They like men who understand and relate with emotions. I still struggle with breaking the comfort barrier in that area.
Well, can't think of much more to say, at the moment. I am going to try harder to keep a schedule in updating the blog, so please feel free to check back often. I hope to keep an update going at least once a week, if not a couple of times.
Oh! On a side note, let's all pray for our new government taking office tomorrow. Mr. Obama needs a LOT of prayer, as does our entire nation.
Have a great day everyone.
Today was a nice little respite. Had the day off, since it's MLK day. Can't say I agree, entirely, with having a day of for King's birthday, but it's a day off, nevertheless. I don't understand, though, why King's birthday necessitates a day off, while Washington, Lincoln or any other important figure's birthday necessitates a mattress sale...
Anyway, as I said, just not anything exciting going on, which itself brings up a good point. Is my life a never-ending loop of getting up, going to work, coming home, going to bed and doing it all over again the next day? Sometimes, it feels that way. Sometimes, I ask myself what is so important in my life that I keep doing what I do, day in and day out? Is it a sense of duty? Is it simply to earn a paycheck?
If I had to think of my life as a constant struggle to maintain a standard of living, seems to me there's not a whole lot of fulfillment in that. I mean, if it's all about earning money to pay for things, then where's the joy? Where's the sense of pride and commitment?
I ask myself all these questions to come to an understanding of what life is about. As Tom Hanks said in the movie Castaway, "I just have to go on. I just have to keep breathing". It's a matter of existence. It's feeling like that I made a difference in someone's life and that person will, in turn, make a difference to someone else.
I do have a terrible weakness, I will admit. I am a material person. I like "stuff". I always have. Now, I am not one of these people that always has to have the best, or better than others. I can't stand talking to people like that. I have just always wanted "things". That does tend to get in the way, when dealing with life's tougher questions. When trying to be humble and selfless, it's hard for me to forget all the things I wish I had. It's difficult for me to forget about the things I desire and put the needs of others first. Not because I'm selfish. I just want "stuff".
I find, many times, that I do have a deep compassion for others. I really don't know where it comes from though. My father was always a very strict disciplinarian and taught me that males do not show emotion. This has, as anyone can imagine, created occasional roadblocks in relationships. Women like emotions. They like men who understand and relate with emotions. I still struggle with breaking the comfort barrier in that area.
Well, can't think of much more to say, at the moment. I am going to try harder to keep a schedule in updating the blog, so please feel free to check back often. I hope to keep an update going at least once a week, if not a couple of times.
Oh! On a side note, let's all pray for our new government taking office tomorrow. Mr. Obama needs a LOT of prayer, as does our entire nation.
Have a great day everyone.
Friday, January 2, 2009
2009 has begun. Let's hope for the best!
January 1st has come and gone. Doesn't feel any different, but I guess it's a bit early.
There's a lot to hope for this year. Better economic times, better jobs, you name it. If anyone reads this that has NOT lost their job, NOT lost their life savings and NOT experienced a foreclosure, be very thankful, for many have had all these happen, and more. I just spoke with a man the other day who lost his job due to his plant closing, and as a result, had lost his entire savings and retirement, which is now worthless. He is trying to get back on his feet, but it's a slow process. I wish so much that I had the funds to help out all these people I see, or talk with.
On a less depressing note, or maybe not..., I go back to work on Monday. It's been really nice to have all these days to unwind and not to have to worry about grades and attendance records and paperwork, etc. As long as I keep telling myself that I am doing what I do for the good of others, and hopefully, teach them skills that will help them later in life, I don't mind the occasional hassles.
Well, I am getting back to costuming. I have a custom Mandalorian that I have had in the works for a while now. I am trying to complete it this week so that I can get it approved for admission into the Mandalorian Mercs. After that it's straight to my Commander Gree. The helmet has long since been finished, and I have the top-of-the-line armor I purchased from a garrison-mate, but because of so may obligations I had in the past, I just haven;t had the time to devote to it. Hopefully, that will change now.
As I mentioned, Star Wars has played a large part in my life, especially over the past couple of years. I began working on my forst costume, a Stormtrooper, in August of 2007. I finally finished it and submitted my application for acceptance into the 501st Legion in December 2007. On December 7th, I was notified that I was accepted and was issued my TK number, which all 501st members have. It's typically a four digit number that each member chooses for him/herself and has some significant meaning for them. My number is 9805. The first part, "98", is the year of my daughter's birth. The second, "05", si the year of my son's birth.
The "TK" designation is issued to all those who have a Stormtrooper costume. This dates back to the scene where Han and Luke knock out the two troopers guarding the Falcon in the Death Star bay. The deck officer calls "TK-421" to find out why he isn't at his post. From then on, "TK" has been the designation for Stormtroopers. "TB" is for Biker Scouts, "TA" is for AT-AT Drivers, "SL" is for Sith Lords, "IC" is for officers, and so on. Check out the 501st website for all the designations, http://www.501st.com.
Well, the Liberty Bowl has started, so I'm signing off. Gotta go watch my Pirates play!
There's a lot to hope for this year. Better economic times, better jobs, you name it. If anyone reads this that has NOT lost their job, NOT lost their life savings and NOT experienced a foreclosure, be very thankful, for many have had all these happen, and more. I just spoke with a man the other day who lost his job due to his plant closing, and as a result, had lost his entire savings and retirement, which is now worthless. He is trying to get back on his feet, but it's a slow process. I wish so much that I had the funds to help out all these people I see, or talk with.
On a less depressing note, or maybe not..., I go back to work on Monday. It's been really nice to have all these days to unwind and not to have to worry about grades and attendance records and paperwork, etc. As long as I keep telling myself that I am doing what I do for the good of others, and hopefully, teach them skills that will help them later in life, I don't mind the occasional hassles.
Well, I am getting back to costuming. I have a custom Mandalorian that I have had in the works for a while now. I am trying to complete it this week so that I can get it approved for admission into the Mandalorian Mercs. After that it's straight to my Commander Gree. The helmet has long since been finished, and I have the top-of-the-line armor I purchased from a garrison-mate, but because of so may obligations I had in the past, I just haven;t had the time to devote to it. Hopefully, that will change now.
As I mentioned, Star Wars has played a large part in my life, especially over the past couple of years. I began working on my forst costume, a Stormtrooper, in August of 2007. I finally finished it and submitted my application for acceptance into the 501st Legion in December 2007. On December 7th, I was notified that I was accepted and was issued my TK number, which all 501st members have. It's typically a four digit number that each member chooses for him/herself and has some significant meaning for them. My number is 9805. The first part, "98", is the year of my daughter's birth. The second, "05", si the year of my son's birth.
The "TK" designation is issued to all those who have a Stormtrooper costume. This dates back to the scene where Han and Luke knock out the two troopers guarding the Falcon in the Death Star bay. The deck officer calls "TK-421" to find out why he isn't at his post. From then on, "TK" has been the designation for Stormtroopers. "TB" is for Biker Scouts, "TA" is for AT-AT Drivers, "SL" is for Sith Lords, "IC" is for officers, and so on. Check out the 501st website for all the designations, http://www.501st.com.
Well, the Liberty Bowl has started, so I'm signing off. Gotta go watch my Pirates play!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Clone Wars and Merry Christmas!
I got up this morning and went to the kitchen for something to eat. After rummaging through the cabinets, I found a couple of things and got myself a drink. Went back to the living room and sat down to relax for a few moments.
Most of the time, like right now, I prefer the quiet. I rarely turn on the TV when I'm home alone, just because I find the noise irritating, more than anything. This morning, however, I decided to check out one of the only channels I actually watch, the Discovery channel. Well, nothing there. It's a Storm Chasers marathon today.
I started to flip channels when I noticed that an episode of The Clone Wars was on Cartoon Network. I thought, "Hey! I still haven;t seen them all. Maybe this is one I haven't caught yet." Sure enough, it was.
Anyway, I sat and enjoyed the 30-minute episode. Must have already DVR'ed it since the recorder wasn't running. Just means I need to clean off the DVR and get them off onto a DVD. Hopefully a task I an accomplish while I'm off for the holidays.
Hhmmm. The "holidays". Brings me to a point. Have everyone seen these "Keep Christ in Christmas" signs in peoples' yards and businesses' windows this Christmas? I have been trying to find out where they are coming from. I would like to get one for my yard next Christmas.
Seems like this Christmas in particular, I have noticed more and more people saying "Merry Christmas" than I ever remember before. It's quite nice. I have tried to reciprocate whnever someone says it to me first, and have tried to be the first whenever the situation presented itself. Just seems to give a boost to the seasonal feeling. After all, the name of the holiday is CHRISTmas. Without Christ in it, how could Christmas even exist? I mean, without a special reason for the holiday, why not just give gifts and put up trees any old day of the year?
Christmas is by far and away my favorite time of the year. Yeah, summer's great for being able to go swimming and spring's nice for the flowers and plants regenerating, and fall's chill is welcome after summer's hot days, but Christmastime is special. Everyone feels and acts differently, whether they realize it or not. It's all about giving and embracing a caring feeling for one another. That doesn't happen just any time. Perhaps Christ gave us a gift, not only of Himself, but a gift of pure love and peace, just by His coming into the world. Do you feel it? I hope you do.
Most of the time, like right now, I prefer the quiet. I rarely turn on the TV when I'm home alone, just because I find the noise irritating, more than anything. This morning, however, I decided to check out one of the only channels I actually watch, the Discovery channel. Well, nothing there. It's a Storm Chasers marathon today.
I started to flip channels when I noticed that an episode of The Clone Wars was on Cartoon Network. I thought, "Hey! I still haven;t seen them all. Maybe this is one I haven't caught yet." Sure enough, it was.
Anyway, I sat and enjoyed the 30-minute episode. Must have already DVR'ed it since the recorder wasn't running. Just means I need to clean off the DVR and get them off onto a DVD. Hopefully a task I an accomplish while I'm off for the holidays.
Hhmmm. The "holidays". Brings me to a point. Have everyone seen these "Keep Christ in Christmas" signs in peoples' yards and businesses' windows this Christmas? I have been trying to find out where they are coming from. I would like to get one for my yard next Christmas.
Seems like this Christmas in particular, I have noticed more and more people saying "Merry Christmas" than I ever remember before. It's quite nice. I have tried to reciprocate whnever someone says it to me first, and have tried to be the first whenever the situation presented itself. Just seems to give a boost to the seasonal feeling. After all, the name of the holiday is CHRISTmas. Without Christ in it, how could Christmas even exist? I mean, without a special reason for the holiday, why not just give gifts and put up trees any old day of the year?
Christmas is by far and away my favorite time of the year. Yeah, summer's great for being able to go swimming and spring's nice for the flowers and plants regenerating, and fall's chill is welcome after summer's hot days, but Christmastime is special. Everyone feels and acts differently, whether they realize it or not. It's all about giving and embracing a caring feeling for one another. That doesn't happen just any time. Perhaps Christ gave us a gift, not only of Himself, but a gift of pure love and peace, just by His coming into the world. Do you feel it? I hope you do.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thanks for the memories, 2008.
Well, here we are, at the end of another year. No big deal, right? Many of us have seen several of these come and go. I am not trying to say that 2008 was anything special. Heck, I am sure that there are several that cannot wait to see it go, with all the financial crises we've had, the violence in the world, job losses and many other bad things.
I would just like to stop and say that I am thankful to end the year with moderately good health, a roof over my head, food in my cupboard, a faithful wife and two beautiful children. No matter what the rest of the word throws at me, these are the things I hang onto the most tightly.
Sure, there are times I become depressed and think that my life could not possibly sink any lower. I would say that most, if not all, of us have felt that way at some time in our lives. I would expect, now, that you would expect me to say that through God, I found hope and a way out of all my problems. I am going to be totally honest right now and say that I would be lying if I said that.
Why, you ask?
I honestly don't know. It's not that I do not believe that it states in Matthew 19:26".......With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." I do believe that with all my heart. It's just that, from a human perspective, we cannot and do not understand God's intentions. I have had many instances in my life that I wondered if my life was worth living. Times when I couldn't see a positive outcome of who or what I was/am, no matter how hard I tried.
Sometimes it seemed prayer was the most logical answer to that situation, and sometimes it was. After praying, sincerely, I felt better and the situation would eventually resolve itself. Not miraculously, mind you, but it would come to some form of end. Other times, that last thing I wanted to hear was God's name, because it just made me feel more guilty that I was not living up to His standards, and how dare He expect me to hold to a purpose I knew I could never achieve.
After all this though, I found myself coming back to one undeniable fact of my life. I knew God existed. Whether I wanted Him or not, He existed. Whether He answered immediately, or never answered, that I could tell, He was there. It is a sobering realization to someone like myself who has had, and continues to have, so much personal inner turmoil. I do not blame God, or any human being. It is simply how I am made and who I am. I coudl scream at God in anger for the way I feel sometimes, but would that truly do any good? It's not that He isn't listening. He is, more correctly, in pain to see us hurt so much.
I cannot write hear that I know any of the answers to why God allows suffering and death and violence to occur in our world. I have no idea, and frankly, don;t really want to know because I doubt my human brain could handle or interpret the complexity of it all. God does what He does for reasons we do not know, and we must simply make peace with that fact.
Now, on the subject of my personal feelings toward God; I love Him, fear Him and admire Him. How could anyone love all of us, no matter what horrible things we do, or say to one another. God is omnipresent, He is all-powerful and all-seeing, but the one I treasure the most is that God IS LOVE. Love that, no matter if I can't muster enough love, even for just myself, He can and always will.
Do I blame God for any bad things in my life? I beleive God does not MAKE bad things happen, but He allows them to, again, with a purpose. Is that fair? Well, certainly not always to us. We see rich people sue poor people and take everything they have and the poor are left homeless, destitute and alone. We see evil men and women gun down and kill innocent people simply because they have different beliefs. We see roaming groups of guerillas gang rape and kill whole families, for no reason at all, other than for the bloodthirsty ravings of a third world tyrant. Is any of this fair or right? How can it be? But we are not the architects, we do not see the whole picture. Am I saying I condone killing, rape, violence, etc.? Of course not! I would much prefer a peaceful and tranquil world, but thankfully I'm not in charge, and neither is any other human being.
As I said before, my favorite reference to God is that He is love. By that knowledge, we know that no matter how horrid our lives or situations are, we are loved by someone. I wish that God could make himself known, physically during those times. I know I really needed a warm embrace and a reassurance from somewhere that things will get better. We must, as James puts it, persevere; "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." - James 1:12.
In the end, it's about faith. We must have faith that all will be made right. God will conquer evil. We, as Christians, will enter the kingdom of Heaven and see our loved ones again. But for now, we have 2008, a year of heartaches, terrible tradgedies and bad news at every corner. It's been a rocky road for many. I feel guilty when I pray my prayer of thankfulness, thinking of all those who have needs far greater than I. Those are the ones who need to know about that love. Love gives hope. Now, let's all give a little love and see what happens in our world.
Welcome 2009.
I would just like to stop and say that I am thankful to end the year with moderately good health, a roof over my head, food in my cupboard, a faithful wife and two beautiful children. No matter what the rest of the word throws at me, these are the things I hang onto the most tightly.
Sure, there are times I become depressed and think that my life could not possibly sink any lower. I would say that most, if not all, of us have felt that way at some time in our lives. I would expect, now, that you would expect me to say that through God, I found hope and a way out of all my problems. I am going to be totally honest right now and say that I would be lying if I said that.
Why, you ask?
I honestly don't know. It's not that I do not believe that it states in Matthew 19:26".......With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." I do believe that with all my heart. It's just that, from a human perspective, we cannot and do not understand God's intentions. I have had many instances in my life that I wondered if my life was worth living. Times when I couldn't see a positive outcome of who or what I was/am, no matter how hard I tried.
Sometimes it seemed prayer was the most logical answer to that situation, and sometimes it was. After praying, sincerely, I felt better and the situation would eventually resolve itself. Not miraculously, mind you, but it would come to some form of end. Other times, that last thing I wanted to hear was God's name, because it just made me feel more guilty that I was not living up to His standards, and how dare He expect me to hold to a purpose I knew I could never achieve.
After all this though, I found myself coming back to one undeniable fact of my life. I knew God existed. Whether I wanted Him or not, He existed. Whether He answered immediately, or never answered, that I could tell, He was there. It is a sobering realization to someone like myself who has had, and continues to have, so much personal inner turmoil. I do not blame God, or any human being. It is simply how I am made and who I am. I coudl scream at God in anger for the way I feel sometimes, but would that truly do any good? It's not that He isn't listening. He is, more correctly, in pain to see us hurt so much.
I cannot write hear that I know any of the answers to why God allows suffering and death and violence to occur in our world. I have no idea, and frankly, don;t really want to know because I doubt my human brain could handle or interpret the complexity of it all. God does what He does for reasons we do not know, and we must simply make peace with that fact.
Now, on the subject of my personal feelings toward God; I love Him, fear Him and admire Him. How could anyone love all of us, no matter what horrible things we do, or say to one another. God is omnipresent, He is all-powerful and all-seeing, but the one I treasure the most is that God IS LOVE. Love that, no matter if I can't muster enough love, even for just myself, He can and always will.
Do I blame God for any bad things in my life? I beleive God does not MAKE bad things happen, but He allows them to, again, with a purpose. Is that fair? Well, certainly not always to us. We see rich people sue poor people and take everything they have and the poor are left homeless, destitute and alone. We see evil men and women gun down and kill innocent people simply because they have different beliefs. We see roaming groups of guerillas gang rape and kill whole families, for no reason at all, other than for the bloodthirsty ravings of a third world tyrant. Is any of this fair or right? How can it be? But we are not the architects, we do not see the whole picture. Am I saying I condone killing, rape, violence, etc.? Of course not! I would much prefer a peaceful and tranquil world, but thankfully I'm not in charge, and neither is any other human being.
As I said before, my favorite reference to God is that He is love. By that knowledge, we know that no matter how horrid our lives or situations are, we are loved by someone. I wish that God could make himself known, physically during those times. I know I really needed a warm embrace and a reassurance from somewhere that things will get better. We must, as James puts it, persevere; "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." - James 1:12.
In the end, it's about faith. We must have faith that all will be made right. God will conquer evil. We, as Christians, will enter the kingdom of Heaven and see our loved ones again. But for now, we have 2008, a year of heartaches, terrible tradgedies and bad news at every corner. It's been a rocky road for many. I feel guilty when I pray my prayer of thankfulness, thinking of all those who have needs far greater than I. Those are the ones who need to know about that love. Love gives hope. Now, let's all give a little love and see what happens in our world.
Welcome 2009.
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