Thanks for the memories, 2008.

Well, here we are, at the end of another year. No big deal, right? Many of us have seen several of these come and go. I am not trying to say that 2008 was anything special. Heck, I am sure that there are several that cannot wait to see it go, with all the financial crises we've had, the violence in the world, job losses and many other bad things.

I would just like to stop and say that I am thankful to end the year with moderately good health, a roof over my head, food in my cupboard, a faithful wife and two beautiful children. No matter what the rest of the word throws at me, these are the things I hang onto the most tightly.

Sure, there are times I become depressed and think that my life could not possibly sink any lower. I would say that most, if not all, of us have felt that way at some time in our lives. I would expect, now, that you would expect me to say that through God, I found hope and a way out of all my problems. I am going to be totally honest right now and say that I would be lying if I said that.

Why, you ask?

I honestly don't know. It's not that I do not believe that it states in Matthew 19:26".......With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." I do believe that with all my heart. It's just that, from a human perspective, we cannot and do not understand God's intentions. I have had many instances in my life that I wondered if my life was worth living. Times when I couldn't see a positive outcome of who or what I was/am, no matter how hard I tried.

Sometimes it seemed prayer was the most logical answer to that situation, and sometimes it was. After praying, sincerely, I felt better and the situation would eventually resolve itself. Not miraculously, mind you, but it would come to some form of end. Other times, that last thing I wanted to hear was God's name, because it just made me feel more guilty that I was not living up to His standards, and how dare He expect me to hold to a purpose I knew I could never achieve.

After all this though, I found myself coming back to one undeniable fact of my life. I knew God existed. Whether I wanted Him or not, He existed. Whether He answered immediately, or never answered, that I could tell, He was there. It is a sobering realization to someone like myself who has had, and continues to have, so much personal inner turmoil. I do not blame God, or any human being. It is simply how I am made and who I am. I coudl scream at God in anger for the way I feel sometimes, but would that truly do any good? It's not that He isn't listening. He is, more correctly, in pain to see us hurt so much.

I cannot write hear that I know any of the answers to why God allows suffering and death and violence to occur in our world. I have no idea, and frankly, don;t really want to know because I doubt my human brain could handle or interpret the complexity of it all. God does what He does for reasons we do not know, and we must simply make peace with that fact.

Now, on the subject of my personal feelings toward God; I love Him, fear Him and admire Him. How could anyone love all of us, no matter what horrible things we do, or say to one another. God is omnipresent, He is all-powerful and all-seeing, but the one I treasure the most is that God IS LOVE. Love that, no matter if I can't muster enough love, even for just myself, He can and always will.

Do I blame God for any bad things in my life? I beleive God does not MAKE bad things happen, but He allows them to, again, with a purpose. Is that fair? Well, certainly not always to us. We see rich people sue poor people and take everything they have and the poor are left homeless, destitute and alone. We see evil men and women gun down and kill innocent people simply because they have different beliefs. We see roaming groups of guerillas gang rape and kill whole families, for no reason at all, other than for the bloodthirsty ravings of a third world tyrant. Is any of this fair or right? How can it be? But we are not the architects, we do not see the whole picture. Am I saying I condone killing, rape, violence, etc.? Of course not! I would much prefer a peaceful and tranquil world, but thankfully I'm not in charge, and neither is any other human being.

As I said before, my favorite reference to God is that He is love. By that knowledge, we know that no matter how horrid our lives or situations are, we are loved by someone. I wish that God could make himself known, physically during those times. I know I really needed a warm embrace and a reassurance from somewhere that things will get better. We must, as James puts it, persevere; "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." - James 1:12.

In the end, it's about faith. We must have faith that all will be made right. God will conquer evil. We, as Christians, will enter the kingdom of Heaven and see our loved ones again. But for now, we have 2008, a year of heartaches, terrible tradgedies and bad news at every corner. It's been a rocky road for many. I feel guilty when I pray my prayer of thankfulness, thinking of all those who have needs far greater than I. Those are the ones who need to know about that love. Love gives hope. Now, let's all give a little love and see what happens in our world.

Welcome 2009.